how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
Randomize