On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Randomize
