Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
Randomize
