well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
Randomize
