her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
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