I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Randomize
