Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
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