god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
Randomize
