How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize