so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
Randomize
