I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
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