So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
