so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
We talked him into tasing himself.
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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