Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
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