It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Randomize
