Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Randomize
