so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
Randomize
