at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
Randomize
