one word: firstdatebathroomanal
My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
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