Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
Randomize
