Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
Randomize
