So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
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