ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
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