i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
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