I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
Randomize
