I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
