A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
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