After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
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