You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
it's like iHOP with fire
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
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