the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
