how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Randomize
