saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
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