would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Randomize