We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
Randomize
