im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
Randomize
