forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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