Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
Randomize
