I must be too annoying 4 u.
just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
It's no shave November. This is our time.
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Randomize
