Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
Randomize
