dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
Randomize