i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
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