I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
