Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
Operation Purity has been aborted
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
Randomize
