Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
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