I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize