Michael Bay diarrhea
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
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