this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize
