I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
Randomize
