I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
Randomize
