I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
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