I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
Randomize
