i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Randomize
