just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
Randomize
