Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize
