A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
Randomize
