was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
Randomize
