If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
and eventually we just all took our pants off
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
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