I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
You can't motorboat a personality
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
Randomize
