If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
Randomize
