The maid of honor just puked.
Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
you inspire me to be a worse person
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
Randomize
