I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize