I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
Randomize
