my phone cant type all the emotion im having
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
Randomize
