3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
