Well douche your snatch and let's go!
I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
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