I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
Randomize
