Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
Randomize
