Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize
