My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
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