i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
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