Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
Randomize
