just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
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