there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize
