I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
3 2 1 whiskey
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
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