Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
Randomize
