i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
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