omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
Randomize
