Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
Randomize
