I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
