if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
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