and i looked up. we had an audience...
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
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