I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize
