member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
Randomize
