i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
Randomize
