Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
Randomize
