Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
Randomize
