yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
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