At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
Randomize
