Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
where are you?
Hypothermia
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
Randomize
