just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
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